The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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