I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize