grandma shit on top of the toilet
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Panties = found
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