I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
