don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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