i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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