So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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