I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
