Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
