Just fell off a train. Bad.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize