hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
