Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
