Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
