Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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