We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
