I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
