Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
