bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
