He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
