my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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