There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
