I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
