I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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