i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
