Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
And then he peed in my hair
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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