I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
