two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
