i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
