I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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