god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
