I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
