So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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