I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
