Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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