dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your cock deserves a montage
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
