Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
