Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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