just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
