she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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