HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
