im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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