You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
