A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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