I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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