last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
