If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize