yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
