1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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