I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
