The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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