atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
