Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
