dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Randomize
