I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
