he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
