I just cut my nipple shaving
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
