Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
