she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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