Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
