Say something about gay babies.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
