just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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