Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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