Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
