I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
