I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
