I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
