Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
