No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
