shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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