I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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