He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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