Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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