Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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