Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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