I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
