The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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