From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
