Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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