I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
