I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
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